They are your lover, your bestie, your everything.
There’s nothing you couldn’t tell them. Right?
Somewhere down the line between staring in to each other’s eyes and seeing a miracle and eating dinner at opposite ends of the table working out whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, you’ve stopped talking. Stopped sharing what’s going on for you, what you feel about each other, your hopes and dreams. You avoid being honest, hide things. You hide yourself.
As a truth teller, OUT LOUDER, advocate of saying it rather than bottling things up, that situation is just not OK for me.
As I look back on a long marriage (almost thirty years) I know that the more honest and open I am, the richer our relationship is as a result. I believe that telling your truth, daring to show all of you – however unacceptable you may believe that self to be – is the best policy if you want to access real intimacy with your partner.
Yet there have been moments when this belief has been tested; moments when I have urged Micky to tell me what is going on and he, in frustration or because I have pressured him, has told me his truth and yes, that truth has at times been painful to hear. Sometimes I wished I hadn’t forced his hand, that I could UNKNOW what he has told me.
Despite that however, it is in the sharing of those painful truths where I feel our relationship shifted in to a deeper understanding, awareness and acceptance of each other.
Which is why I am so excited about our forthcoming workshop ‘There’s something I want to tell you…’ which I am co-leading with awesome coach Haakon Stene, on Saturday 2 November in Kensington, London. If you yearn to recapture those early days of being in love when you told each other everything, yet have somehow settled for a ‘good enough’ place or even an avoidance place where sharing what’s really going on for you seems out of reach, this is the workshop for you.
We are going to help you explore how you are with honesty in your relationship, discover how you want things to be, look at what’s getting in the way and start designing how you are going to recapture the blissful truth and intimacy of those early days.
For more info and to book please go to http://somethingtotellyou.eventbrite.co.uk/
In the meantime, we would love to hear from you. Do you tell your partner everything? What stops you? How much is too much? Or is it never too much? Please dare to be OUT LOUD with us. Share your stories; together we can all learn and grow.