‘I’ve been feeling a bit funny this morning. Then I realised I had my knickers on the wrong way round.’
Oh, I did laugh.
Now normally that’s not the kind of thing I’d be willing to share on Facebook. But that morning I had an urge to tell the world about me and my knickers. And yet all sorts of reasons why not came flooding in to my little brain.
Top of the list was – wouldn’t that be a bit undignified?
Dignity. Wham. That’s a biggie isn’t it?
I’m quite attached to being dignified. Especially now I’ve reached a certain age. At a certain age, I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s important to be dignified.
No one wants to see an older woman acting in an undignified way.
I’ve put together a top fifteen list of things which may look (note the word ‘look’) undignified; you may wish to add your own.
1. Dancing enthusiastically with too much arm movement. Guilty.
2. Dressing in a manner that’s too young for your age. Mutton and lambs spring to mind. Guilty in some jurisdictions or territories.
3. Talking too loudly. Guilty.
4. Eating. Well, you can eat (just), but not too enthusiastically (that would be greed and greed is undignified). Definitely not loudly. Guilty.
5. Singing along. Guilty.
6. Laughing – too much, too loudly. Guilty.
7. Wearing a bikini when I have a fat tummy. Guilty.
8. Over sharing – there comes a time when it’s better to keep a dignified silence. Guilty.
9. Snogging in public. Guilty of aiding and abetting.
10. Jumping up and shouting that I’d won a raffle in a packed auditorium (Guilty), moving back to sit down, failing to notice I’d managed to move the chair out of my way, falling over. Guilty.
11. Skidding upon entry in to a very smart and very packed restaurant, falling over quite gradually. Guilty.
12. Being all dressed up one morning, slipping on an icy bit of pavement in front of a gang of builders, falling over. Guilty. (They laughed as I walked stiffly away down the road).
13. Standing up in the middle of a client session, having a dead leg, falling over. Guilty.
14. Feeling pretty cool in Manchester in my groovy new baker boy cap, getting in to a taxi, massively misjudging the height of the door, banging my head, feeling slightly concussed and dizzy, developing a nasty bruise yet still carrying on a lighthearted banter with the driver in an effort to maintain dignity. Guilty.
15. Leaving a garden party with the back of my skirt stuck in my knickers (knickers again…). Guilty – although this is an old one so the Statute of Limitations has kicked in. This also shows it’s never too early for a woman to be guilty of undignified behaviour.
… Other offences I’d like taken in to consideration: Going red. Sweating profusely especially on my nose and upper lip. Hot flushing.
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.
I could go on. And on.
I uploaded the post by the way. Quite a lot of people liked and laughed.
Which was in the end simply pleasurable.