I was with my coaching group last night and we were discussing our goals for the next month. As we went round the room, I realised that although I have plenty of goals on the go, in that moment, in that space there was nothing that I felt I needed to say OUT LOUD.
I noticed I was getting a little nervous. Oh no! I was going to fail the goal test. I stayed with this discomfort and trusted that when my turn came I’d know what to say.
And this is what happened. I explained to the group that my goals right now didn’t seem very pressing. They gently nudged me to go a little deeper.
‘Well,’ I said, shyly. ‘There’s something which has been a theme for me for a while …’
‘I want to continue to come from the heart.’ As I said this, I noticed how I was judging myself, how maybe that didn’t sound very goal –like, but nobody laughed or told me that wasn’t an acceptable goal – or perhaps more pertinently, that I wasn’t an acceptable person.
On the contrary they looked quite interested and asked me to explain.
‘In my life, especially as a trained lawyer, I can get very caught up in what’s going on inside my head, I get anxious and over-think things. It also makes me disconnect from people. When I started to realise I could simply come from my heart, from a place of love and openness, everything became much simpler for me. I realised I didn’t have to always get things right or perfect. Simply coming from my heart meant I didn’t have to try so hard. Suddenly things felt easy.’
One of the group curiously asked me how I do that and I replied that I literally make a physical adjustment inside my body. I intentionally step out of my head, travel directly to my heart and commence from there. Paradoxically when my heart is the start point, by some miracle (or is it to do with neuroscience?) a message is sent back to my brain to relax and then I can think straight.
I gave an example of a recent occasion where this happened. I was co-facilitating a workshop and hadn’t had the time to prepare as much as I like. This is normally a challenging place for me as I prefer to feel in control and like I’ve covered all the bases. I decided to try something different.
I visualised the training room. Imagined how it must feel for the participants coming that day, maybe they felt anxious, unsure – unprepared! I realised that what the participants really wanted in that space was to feel seen, reassured and loved – the workshop was about them, not me or whether I had done my homework.
It turned out to be a beautiful experience; of course the technicalities were important and we covered them but it was the space that we created that made the difference to the group.
What I learned was that when the space is loving and open, the learning happens naturally.
And I feel the same goes for any learning environment. Loving homes where every child is held close, schools where staff care about their pupils, workplaces where people feel wanted and appreciated. We all learn, grow and develop when we can relax in warmth and love. We can all be OUT LOUD when we know we are accepted without judgment for who we really are.
When I came to write this blog today, I had my thinking cap placed tightly on my head and it really hurt! I couldn’t think of a topic I wanted to write about, I was worried that you would all think badly of me if I didn’t produce my blog for this week. I felt I was in danger of failing my own blog writing test!
When I relaxed and listened to what my heart told me, this is what came out. When I read it back I worried that it’s not particularly well written but today I am going to step away from the laptop. It is good enough. It is written from my heart.
OUT LOUDERS, if there’s something you want to say or write, if there’s something you need to express and you have a headache trying to get it out, step away from your head, make a detour to your left, go down a little and enter your heart. You might just surprise yourself with what you find.
And if there’s anything there you would like to share with us – anything at all – please do. And if you would like a little help in accessing your heart please email me at and we can start a heartfelt conversation.